


If you need forgiveness I'll give that to you

by nynyve



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: I love her a lot, bellamy seems so soft this season i want to hug him, clarke griffin our lord and saviour, raven reyes is a special ray of sunshine but can also be a nightmare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 14:40:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14571156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nynyve/pseuds/nynyve
Summary: 'Yeah, I fucking know you have no idea!' she practically screams the second the door closes after them. This area has reinforced walls and is absolutely impossible the rest of the group listens to any word they might say. 'Are you out of your mind, Blake? I thought you stopped thinking with your dick a long time ago!'He seems astonished for a minute and Raven starts panicking internally. Could she be wrong? But Bellamy opens his mouth and asks'How?'and she finds herself almost surprised of how clever she can be.-----Raven finds out Bellamy and Echo are a thing.





	If you need forgiveness I'll give that to you

**Author's Note:**

> If you can't stand Becho this is not for you. I want everything that makes Bellamy happy. And Bellarke too. All the angst, if it is possible. Maybe I ask too much. I also want the Reyes/Blake friendship to be really strong.

If there is _one_ universal truth in this existential plane they are currently living is this: Raven Reyes is not stupid. She is, in fact, quite the _opposite_ of stupid.

So the first time she sees Echo smile while walking the corridor, she knows something is happening.

Is not that Echo doesn't smile. She has a very small lip quirk and sometimes even snorts when something is funny for her, but those are rare. The  former warrior lived under the pressure of a culture that doomed any kind of relationship not based on fear, and it's difficult for her getting used to the older Ark way of living. Not that it was much better, but, well. At least they were allowed to smile. 

The Ice Nation spy had been understandably shocked at the beginning with the public displays of affection the rest of them had. Raven would hug Bellamy more than once, Harper and Monty kissed, Murphy and Emori even played like children sometimes. Raven herself bickered affectionately with Murphy at least twice per day, Harper and Bellamy had long conversations about the rest of the 100, Monty and Emori bonded about code programming (she found it fascinating). 

And they made room for Echo too. Asked her to train them so their muscles won't get too thin and encouraged the woman to find something in the ship she would like to learn or do. It was a rough first year, and then a smoother second year and, finally, a good third year. By fourth year they all had become kind of a true little family. But one thing is Echo being finally comfortably around them to laugh at a joke or make a funny remark and another one is that smile.

So she is fully on alert the next hours and then she sees Bellamy's loopsided smile and every light in her brain goes red and screams.

 _No. Way_.

Okay Reyes, calm down a bit you lunatic, she scolds herself. Maybe there is a rational explanation for this. Maybe those two _extremely_ suspicious smiles aren't connected. Maybe you are overreacting. Maybe the Earth doesn't orbit around the Sun.

Yeah, right. _Fuck_.

She composes herself long enough to wait until Bellamy ends his shift on the monitoring room and waits for him on the corridor.

'Hey, Bellamy'.

He turns and looks at her and- he is still smiling. Raven is going to _kill him_.

'Do you have a minute? I want to show you something'.

'Yeah, of course. Is something wrong with the engines?' he asks while she gestures towards the engineering room 'Because you know I have no idea about-'

'Yeah, I fucking know you have no idea!' she practically screams the second the door closes after them. This area has reinforced walls and is absolutely impossible the rest of the group listens to any word they might say. 'Are you out of your mind, Blake? I thought you stopped thinking with your dick a long time ago!'

He seems astonished for a minute and Raven starts panicking internally. Could she be wrong? But Bellamy opens his mouth and asks

'How?' and she finds herself almost surprised of how clever she can be.

'You were grinning like idiots. Like, Echo could have provided us with light this morning alone with her stupid bright smile. God, Bellamy, I had the smallest amount of faith in you telling me I was crazy' Raven puts the palms of her hands in her eyes, the motion desperate.

'I just- it was not a planned thing. It just happened'.

It’s all so absurd Raven feels like screaming at the top of her lungs.

' _Really_? Have you got any idea of what this stupid act could make to our group? Just because you couldn't keep it in your pants!'

'I kept it in my pants, Raven' Bellamy interrupts, serious, almost menancingly. 'We just talked. And she kissed me. And I felt _nice_ '.

Raven stares at him, dumbfounded.

‘What?’

‘I felt like-Nice. Loved. _Alive_ ’.

‘Do you even hear yourself, Bellamy? You are making no sense! You are going to break us after all this time!’

‘Why are you so upset? Am I not allowed to move on?’ Bellamy asks, and Raven can feel how hurt he is. Suddenly she is not able to understand where all this rage comes from. All Raven knows is that somehow, they are betraying... What?

A memory?

There is a minute of silence in which Raven breathes and finally calms down a bit. They are both more relaxed now, shoulder to shoulder, backs on the metal wall.

'Sorry. Bellamy I just...' 

'You just don't understand how can I feel nice with Echo kissing me. Because of-' his voice wavers for a second 'because of Clarke'.

Raven feels uncharacteristic tears prick in her eyes. She looks into his eyes and sees the same pain, the same longing, the same self-blame she saw five years ago. The image of Clarke, as clear as water at the beginning, is now starting to fade in her brain. She had to search her profile picture into the Ark database a year ago to remember Clarke used to have a mole upon her lips.

Raven cried a whole week after that day.

And she knows Bellamy cries sometimes for her, too. She knows he cries for entirely different reasons. Which is why none of this makes any sense.

'Yes' she finally concedes, a lump in her throat. 'You never said but all of us knew. You loved her’.

There is a big pause in which Bellamy’s eyes are fixated on the small rounded window at the end of the room. He tries to say yes, but his voice is broken.

‘And she loved you'.

The man at her side smiles sadly.

'I don’t know. I will never know. Now is too late for that’.

'You still love her, Bellamy. I see it in the way you speak, in your eyes’.

‘I thought we had time... And then... I left her behind'.

'You know it's what-'.

'What she wanted, yes. Still. It took a part of me, doing that.'

Raven bits her lip and closes her eyes. She can remember perfectly the way Bellamy forced himself to close that door, the rocket flying into space.

‘Is not fair to Echo'.

‘But’ Bellamy sighs, and sits in a chair in a fluid motion, like he is really tired ‘she knows. She knows even when I dared not to say it. In our first week here she came to my room one night and brought some white paint. She said that in Ice Nation when their loved ones died they painted their faces and did a dance of goodbye. She said she did one for Clarke on my behalf. Because apparently Clarke was my other half and everyone knew in that fucking planet except for us’.

The dark hair obscures his eyes while they talk and Bellamy refuses to look at her, but Raven knows he has tears on his eyes.

‘It’s been five years, Raven’ Bellamy mumbles after sniffing and wiping away the tears with his sleeve.

Five years, Raven thinks, and still I feel like we are betraying her, but she doesn’t say it out loud. Maybe Bellamy has suffered enough. Maybe it is time Clarke Griffin is just a memory.

Just _thinking_ about it hurts.

‘I’m sorry I overreacted’ she says when both of them have sobered a bit. ‘But we worked hard to achieve this peace we have now. This family. I wouldn’t like anything to broke it and this whole thing seems- well, dangerous’.

‘I need some hope too, Raven’ there is that small smile again, that soft way the corner of his eyes crinkle ‘And Echo wants to give it to me. I learned to trust her. I forgave her. I appreciated her, as a whole person. And now I-I like the way I feel’.

Again there is a comfortable silence between the two of them. Like they don’t really need any more words to know the other is sorry and their bond keeps as strong as ever.

‘Let’s hope you don’t ruin it like you ruined my generator’ she answers, and kicks his left leg.

‘Ouch! That was a low blow, Reyes’.

‘Just the simple truth, my friend. Now if you don’t mind I have things to do because none of you here would survive without me’.

‘Hey’ he catches her by the elbow when she is about to leave and stares into her eyes ‘Everything good?’

I hope so, she wants to say. I hope you know it will never stop hurting. I hope you don’t remember exactly the first time you felt you were no longer the owner of your own soul, like I did with Finn. I hope you don’t remember the way she looked at you, like I remember Finn’s eyes. I hope you don’t remember the way her hand touched yours, like Finn used to do with me. I _hope_.

But she says nothing and instead smiles brightly at her friend.

‘Yes. Everything good’.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are warmly welcomed :D


End file.
